Monday, April 13, 2009

Reflections

This past weekend was full of emotion. So much to think about in terms of what I was celebrating. For what seems like the first time in my life, I'm understanding and celebrating something that I believe.

Good Friday was an ordinary day for me. I spent it with the boys and my mom and had my normal ups and downs. But, I could feel something missing or hallow inside of me. It's the feeling I have sometimes when I'm restless. Knowing that I could be, should be, want to be somewhere else. Matt came home and I took my break. Headed upstairs and crawled into bed. As I lay there thinking about my day, I realized it was Good Friday. I looked up our church on my phone and found that the service they were having was starting right then.

I hopped up, went downstairs and asked if it would be o.k. for me to check out and attend the service. It was funny, Matt's comment was wondering why I seemed giddy after seeming so glum just a short while before. The only explanation I had was that I needed to be there. To be in a room of people acknowledging what the day was. That Christ had been nailed to a cross to take away our sins.

The church parking lot was overflowing when I arrived but there was a seat for me in the back and when I walked in, I was handed an old style nail. Sitting there holding that nail was pretty powerful. To think about what pain and agony He was put through. In the middle of the service, they had us stand and told us we could participate in any of the stations around the room. There was a place to light a candle for someone, a place to be prayed for, you could receive communion and in the center of the church was a large wooden cross with a crown of thorns at the top where you could take your nail and hammer it in as a symbol of the crucifixion.

I only had my phone with me to take a picture but I think you'll get the idea.







Then Easter Sunday came and in church that morning a question was asked of me that has stuck and I'm still trying to answer. "If Christ died for me, what am I doing for Him?"

That question runs deep in my mind, my body, my spirit. It takes me to thoughts of my family, my children. How I'm raising them. How I speak to them. How I teach them who and how to be by example.

Easter Sunday marked the beginning of a new day. A day of hope and resurrection. For me it was a time to reflect on who I am being in the world and who I want to be with each new day. I want to be full of hope and I want to believe that God can make wonderful things out of anything. That as Art, the Lead Pastor, put it on Sunday He believes in us so much that he gives us the freedom to fail, still loving us all the while, waiting for our return to Him. That he can turn any failure into a success, that we can turn any failure into a success by faith and hope and the willingness to let go of the things that pull us down.

I'm committed to moving forward and having a life full of joy and hope.

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