A Vacation In My Own Backyard

I'm not so different from all of the other women I know that have children and run businesses out of their home. I cook and clean and raise my kids. I make phone calls and answer emails. I do laundry in the middle of it all. It's just the way it is. No need to complain or ask for extra understanding.

The only thing is, I'm cool and composed every now and again but most of the time I feel like a crazed maniac. There are days that I feel like I'm walking along a very thin tight piece of thread high in the air that could break at any moment and send me toppling to my demise. That the balancing act I feel like I'm performing on a daily basis is just that, an act. That I'm going to lose my balance and not only fall flat on my face but take everyone and everything down with me.

I guess deep down I know this isn't true. That no matter what I do, I'm doing my best, well, most of the time. That there really aren't any more balls in the air than the ones I've thrown up myself. Every now and again someone else tosses one in and I've gotten a bit better at shouting to the sideline in the direction of that one more ball that could throw my entire act into a frenzy, "STOP, do NOT throw that in here. I can't handle it." There was a day when I tried to keep it all going, no matter how many people asked for help. But, as the gray that keeps emerging from my scalp reminds me that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I know better than to just say "yes" to anything and everything.

Lately, even though this nice juggling act seems to be under control, I'm tired. Not just tired. T.I.R.E.D. like there's no tomorrow. Tired like I could sleep for a week straight, only waking to eat and go to the bathroom. Too tired to prepare the food myself mind you. I would be sure to just have a mini fridge and a few bags of snacks right by the bed. I would sleep with crumbs in the sheets kind of tired. But, taking a vacation right now is probably the last thing that I can see happening. School has started, we just returned from a trip to Michigan and Tennessee and work is in full swing.

But then, this weekend, something unexpected happened. Matt happened. He took this weekend on and let me have some me time. He let me go back to bed on Saturday. Back to bed! He made all of us breakfast. We cleaned and organized a portion of the garage and when I went in to hang out with the boys, he kept going and didn't stop until it was finished. He let me watch a movie with them while he made us all lunch. He played with them in the backyard while I read a book. I read an entire book this weekend. Now, I can't get too excited. It was a short book and an easy read but a a whole book none the less. Embraced By The Light. My sister recommended it to me on Friday and it was one of those things that I felt like I had to have and had to read right away. I wasn't disappointed. It's an interesting recollection of the author's near death experience. Her time with God and Jesus Christ before returning to her body and to the life she needed to finish living. It's a book I wish everyone could read but I know that even if everyone read it, some would get it and some wouldn't. Some would find their lives touched by her words and others probably couldn't even get past chapter one. We're all different and that's one of the things she talks about.

Needless to say, at the end of the day on Sunday I felt like I had that mini vacation that I had been thinking and dreaming about. I even had it with my whole family around almost the entire time. What a bonus. I feel rested and ready for the week. I'm looking forward to work and to accomplishing all of the things that are on my list.

Thank you Matty for picking up the slack this weekend. For giving me some much needed space to just be for a while. You are my love and I thank God for you every day!

All I have left to say this time around is I hope everyone has a smile on their face today. At least one smile at some point in the day and maybe a good laugh. That couldn't hurt either.

Here are a couple of images of us from a wedding Matt and I photographed a couple of weeks back. I love this shot I took of Matt and Maya was kind enough to turn the camera on us so we could be part of the memories as well.

Friday Inspiration - Sand Animation

I had a whole other post to do today that I'll save for next week because my sister just sent this link and I'm typing as I'm watching it. It's absolutely AMAZING. It's an art form that I've never seen, heard of or experienced. It's sand art.

Kseniya Simonova is the artist, I know nothing of her but I'm going to be sure to look up everything I can when I get back from taking my mom to the airport.

It's dramatic and beautiful. Sad and poignant. It is expressive of emotion and life. This clip is 8 minutes long so be prepared. I'm linking to an article on Jawbone.tv because there is a little about her in the article.

Here is the link. Enjoy...and be inspired....Kseniya Simonova

Bigger Isn't Always Better

Some people live by the rule that bigger is better. I know Mason still thinks this way every time we walk down the Lego aisle at Target. But, I've recently discovered that with an album, this isn't necessarily the case.

Sure with a 10x15 album you get ooo's and aaaaah's from everyone who sees it. And from the people that pick it up and hold it you get the ever desired jaw drop. The look on their face of utter disbelief at how HUGE and impressive the book is. They hold it and lift their arms up and down to really feel the weight. All of that is great and exactly what I want when showing an album to a client but, there is something sweet about the smaller album. Something intimate and personal. It draws out a totally different reaction from people and I love it.

Amy and Tucker had a beautiful wedding. It was photographed by GB Photographers and again, they did a stunning job. This wedding was a while back, but as I'm finding with a number of the people who are inquiring for albums, it took a while to let the sparkly dust of the wedding festivities to settle before being able to focus some attention on other things like a wedding album.

When Amy told me they had ordered an 8x10 album I was excited because with an album of that size, you truly need to pick the highlights of the day. My favorite albums to design are the one that aren't filled with a hundred photographs but with a select few that feature the special moments of the event. The ones that make you feel like you're right there in the moment, kissing, smiling, celebrating the wonderful union of two spirits coming together. Selecting those photographs is what I love to do and Amy and Tucker allowed me the freedom to do just that.

The result is a beautiful, intimate wedding album that has become my new favorite. I love holding it in my hands. I love that I can just wrap my arms around it and hold it close. ( I wish I had taken a photo of that before shipping it out!) This is the Orchid album that I offer and although this particular book (Amy and Tucker) is leather, there are many colors of cloth available as well. You can even do a split-tone cover where you can use a combination using leather on the spine and a fabric in the color of your wedding for the cover. How cool is that?!

Stay tuned in the upcoming months for some exciting options that I'm going to be offering with this album. I can hardly contain myself with my excitement and it's all I can do not to let the cat out of the bag. BUT, I'm not quite ready to launch so you'll just have to keep coming back to find out!

First Day of School

It's here, it happened. I know it's not 1st grade. It's not the true beginning of school with homework and official grades and such, but, it's school. It's on the big campus. It's with all of the other grades. Lunch is in the big gym. Assembly is with the entire school.

I feel like we just lowered the bar over our heads and the floor fell away beneath us. We are on. On the ride and there is no getting off until it's over. I didn't really sleep last night. I did, sort of. I tossed and turned and was thankful that Mason was in the next room sleeping soundly. He didn't seem to be as affected as Matt and I were. Thank goodness!

This morning came too early. I was nudged and whispered to at 6:45 by Mason. Wondering if it was time to get up. I told him where his clothes were and to get dressed and off he went downstairs to wake up Grandma. (She's visiting this week.) I rolled out of bed, got myself ready and went downstairs to fix his "nutritional breakfast" that the school handbook said I should prepare and to pack his lunch.

He ate a great breakfast and even had a little time to play before we hustled him out the door for his "first day of school portrait". The best part of this morning, after seeing his smile of excitement was that we were walking to school. WALKING! It's so cool to live just down the street. No driving, no school bus, just backpack in hand and a nice walk down the block and across the street. It's amazing!

He has a friend who lives down the street who's starting 1st grade this year. They were walking to school too so we all walked together. Mason had a chance to let out some of that energy by running around with Anderson before getting to the classroom. It was great. We took a couple of photo's of the boys just being boys and having fun.

There were children and parents and even puppies milling around. People with cameras taking pictures and videos. We walked to his classroom and hung his space/robot backpack up on a hook. Took out his lunch and went inside. We placed his lunch and sweatshirt in his cubbie with his name marking his space. (Yesterday was the meet and greet and when I walked into his classroom and saw that cubbie with his name in it, I almost burst into tears. It was all I could do to hold them back and not look like the blubbering idiot I felt like on the inside.)

Mason then looked up at me and for the first time looked a little scared and overwhelmed. He saw the other children all seeming to know what they were doing and he felt a little lost. I could see it. He asked me, "What am I supposed to do first?" I looked at him and told him that he should ask his teacher which he did. She told him there were four tables to do activities at including coloring or legos and he immediately turned around and was gone. He was gone so fast that Matt looked at me and realized he hadn't even said goodbye. He went in the room kissed him goodbye and that was that. Just like one of the fish we've bought for our tank. He stayed in his own bag in his own water for a few minutes. Checked out the scene and then just jumped right in.

Matt and I walked home hand in hand. I think the two of us are having the hardest time. We weren't quite ready for this but maybe you never are. Maybe you're never quite ready for that next transition. I mean, I can't even imagine how it will be as the years go by and I can only imagine that I won't be ready for school dances, girlfriends, driving. My heart goes into minor palpitations just thinking about it.

So, I'll just take a few deep breaths and remind myself that it's only Kindergarten. It's the first step of many and we have a long way to go.

Intimate Thoughts

There is something about this existence as a human being that baffles me. Well, honestly there are a lot of things, but this one thing in particular gets me. How on earth can my brain be running at a million miles a minute every waking moment and even in my sleep?!

My brain thinks thoughts and ideas and makes up stories and circumstances. It has conversations with itself and with others. It makes up a TON of stuff including million dollar ideas that if I just had the time, recourses, money and energy for, I wouldn't have to do anything but sit on a hammock with Matt, while Mason and Miles played on a beach in the middle of Southeast Asia somewhere.

It's almost unfair at times. I write blog posts, I take photographs, I design albums. I paint paintings, make jewelry, cast sculptures. I travel the world, I have other children, I see my friends and hang out by a pool. I take a trip to Italy with my sister, I have an extended vacation with my husband, I volunteer. I donate my time and my creativity, I'm a room mother, I do all of these things, in my mind. Yes, some of them come true but a good portion do not. They just mull around up there, taking space, pushing their way forward at different times of the day. It's like a mob up there sometimes. Each idea elbowing it's way to the front while I try to push back to let the ones that are "important" through. The ones that I need to spend time thinking about. The jobs that I have on the table, the marketing ideas that I want to implement, what the boys need and of course, what we're having for dinner. That one always seems to push its way to the front!

I sometimes wish I had the time to just surf the web. Finding inspiration from other creative people. Time to go to a museum and just wander. Look at the creations of other human beings. See for a moment, the things that run through their minds that they turn into tangible objects for the world to see, appreciate, judge and admire. Time to write a blog post every day or at least every other, but the laundry needs to be done or the boys need me to play and dinner needs to be made. Honestly, those mundane acts of taking care of my family do give me joy. They fulfill a part of me that I didn't know existed. The maternal side that I tried to hush for most of my youth.

I wish that I could turn down the thoughts that are negative and judgmental. The ones I have of myself. Of what I'm not doing, not saying or am saying that isn't nice. The ones of others that I have no business thinking. It's a strange thing to listen to your mind, to hear what it has to say because sometimes, it isn't even me. I don't want to be thinking those thoughts, like all of the terrible things that could happen to my children, my husband, my friends and family. I have become better over the years at silencing those thoughts more quickly than in the past. Trained myself to think about the good and happy things that happen or that I imagine happening.

And, all of those thoughts, good and bad, I guess, make up me. Who I am and what makes me unique. So, I try to be gentle with myself and just listen, or act on them, or move them aside when they elbow their way to the front to be heard. I write these posts when I can, I do what needs to be done at the moment and try to be present to that instead of whirling inside of all of the thoughts that run through my head that I don't have the time, money or energy to accomplish. Because what it all boils down to is choice. My choice. What I do, what I have time for and what I think about. Isn't that strange? We get to make that up. We get to decide. So, today, I decide to be happy and to do what I can to check off the things that I decided to put on my list.

Simple, when you really think about it.

A Nashville Wedding

I'm sitting over here biting my nails, my toes, anything I can fit into my mouth so that I DON'T blog the Nashville wedding. BUT, I can't help myself. At least just a little bit from the trip, event.

It was quite the vacation, heading to Nashville from Michigan. Matt, the boys and I drove down in Matt's mom's Lexus. The 7.5 hour drive (without children) turned into a 13.5 hour adventure. Yes, more than half a day of the four of us in a car and oh right, a car dealership. Why you might ask? Because after being hit by my car back in 2004 (that's a story for another day, and no, no one was behind the wheel), I've learned to ALWAYS use the emergency break. This is a habit that I struggled long and hard to have my husband pick up and unfortunately, on this particular trip, got us into trouble. Matt's mom NEVER uses the parking break and after summers and winters of blazing hot and freezing cold temperatures, the line for the e-brake no longer works. We found out the hard way. After using the brake at one of our 247 stops because Mason had a stomach bug arrive while on that drive and Miles decided to be potty trained two days earlier, we felt a strange vibrating from under the car and when we stopped to figure out what happened, the back right tire and rim was so hot we could hardly put our hands near the area.

Luckily there was a Toyota dealership minutes away and after a 2.5 hour pit stop, they had us back on the road with instructions NOT USE THE EMERGENCY BREAK AGAIN. We did have a couple of close calls, a habit is a habit right?! but nothing that took us off the road for a longer duration than expected.

After arriving at the hotel we quickly found the hundred other children under the age of 6 all with the last name of Reoch or some variation due to marriage. Days and nights were spent with family laughing, commiserating about the difficulties of traveling with children, and taking rides up and down the one functioning glass enclosed elevator for the entire hotel that I tried my best to feel safe in even after I was pulled off by my brother-in-law after a large chunk of metal made a "ping" sound and flew off into the air to land in an unknown spot of the courtyard lobby.

The rest of the trip included a walk through a torrential downpour of rain to a bar two nights before the wedding. The wedding party, friends, relatives and even Matt's mom made the trek. A luncheon for the women of the group which was absolutely lovely, a "gun sling" for all of the guys which I know everyone who attended is anxious to see the photo's. (Patience, Matt is literally sorting through thousands of images from a number of events and is doing his best to have them live on the web soon.) There were some nights out to dinner including a fabulous rehearsal dinner for everyone to get to know each other and celebrate the coming event. And, of course, the wedding.

Paul and Liz hired GB Photographers to shoot the wedding but since Matt was the best man, Jason came along with Garrett and I have to say they ROCKED it! Matt did photograph some during the trip. He took photo's at the gunslinging event and of Paul and Liz right after the ceremony and I shot a handful of images during and after the wedding as well. Matt and I did our best to just enjoy ourselves this trip but taking photographs is part of our enjoyment. It's a little like taking a fish out of water to think that we wouldn't shoot something while we were there.

I'll share a few that I took from the day and hold my breath and bite my nails to not include the link to the slideshow. As soon as Matt is ready, I'll post the link and you can see just how much the crew rocked the show.

Head In The Clouds

I somehow have to figure out how to have my head in the clouds my feet on the ground and my attention focused on what's right in front of me. There's a great line in an Ani DiFranco song, "As Is" that I always come back to. "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff, when I look up, I just trip over things."

I know that being in the moment, right where I am at this very second, is where I need to focus my attention. When I start thinking about what I should have done, what I ought to do, I get into trouble. All worked up like a washing machine on tilt. Shaking back and forth and spewing leaks all over the people around me. And who wants to be leaked on??!! Ewwwww. But, that's what happens sometimes and I hate to say it, but Matt and the boys are usually the closest recipients. I should have a t-shirt made that says something like, "Mommy's on "tilt" again". And you know, when that washer is on tilt, it's usually because it's too full. It's a reminder for me to slow down. Take a few deep breaths and just be, right where I am and remember that God only gives you what you can handle. Thanks Steven for that reminder.

With everything going on I've been praying a LOT lately. Talking to God when I can. Asking for help, asking for guidance, asking for that path that he wants me on to be clearly laid out in front of me. He's answering and I'm doing my best to listen and keep moving forward on that path. Matt's a great help in this area. He's wonderful about letting me talk to work things through and to remind me of what's important, what our plan is and that he's right there by my side.

Matt's dad told me a story while on our trip to Michigan that he has told me before but is always good to hear. It was a great answer to my questions about priorities. How to get everything done and why I sometimes have to worry about little things that don't seem to really matter when there are other bigger things on which to focus my attention. I'll end with that story and if you're heard it or read it before, maybe now is a good time to read it again.


The Big Rocks and the Jar: A Lesson in Making Priorities

A high school science teacher wanted to demonstrate a concept to his students.
He takes a large-mouth jar and places several large rocks in it. He then asks the class, "Is it full?

"Unanimously, the class reply, "Yes!"

The teacher then takes a bucket of gravel and pours it into the jar.
The small rocks settle into the spaces between the big rocks.

He then asks the class, "Is it full?"

This time there are some students holding back, but most reply, "Yes!"

The teacher then produces a large can of sand and proceeds to pour it into the jar.
The sand fills up the spaces between the gravel.

For the third time, the teacher asks, "Is it full?

"Now most of the students are wary of answering, but again, many reply, "Yes!"

Then the teacher brings out a pitcher of water and pours it into the jar. The water saturates the sand. At this point the teacher asks the class, "What is the point of this demonstration?"

One bright young student raises his hand and then responds, "No matter how full one's schedule is in life, he can always squeeze in more things!"

"No," replies the teacher, "The point is that unless you first place the big rocks into the jar, you are never going to get them in. The big rocks are the important things in your life ...your family, your friends, your personal growth. If you fill your life with small things, as demonstrated by the gravel, the sand, and the water...you will never have the time for the important things.

So, what are the "Big Rocks" in your life? Spending time with your children, your parents or your spouse? Taking the seminar or class to get the information and perspective you need to succeed? Making the time to set goals, plan or evaluate your progress? When you are hassled because there is no time, remember the story about the Big Rocks and the Jar!

Author Unknown

Seven

7

Seven is a magical number. The earth was created in seven days. There are seven wonders of the world. Seven chakras in the body. Seven days of the week, and now, seven years married to you.

I feel like when we've watched "So You Think You Can Dance", and they have their short minute on stage to dance for they're lives. Some seem like they take forever and you're just waiting for the end to come and others are over before you know it. You're enjoying their dancing so much that you just want it to continue, and when it's over, it feels like the dance lasted only a moment.

That's how I feel about our past 7 years. That I've been enjoying our life, our children, our family, our adventures, you, so much, that it's flown by.

I can remember first meeting you. It was a brief introduction. Then our lunch, which was again, a short time spent together. Then, our first date, shopping on Haight Street and lunch at Askew Grill and a walk to Hippy Hill. Do you know what I remember most about that date? Walking along the path by the park. Walking next to you and trying to be as close as I could so that the backs of our hands would brush against each other. I just wanted to touch you. To be close to you. And now, 7 years later, I feel the exact same way. It amazes me that amidst all the stress and difficulty of life, the craziness of raising two boys, the balancing of work, play and commitment, I love you more than I did the day we exchanged vows.

Your love flows over me and through me,
Filling empty holes that were once there.

Your breath ignites a fire between us,
Passion is still present.

The ring on my finger is a reminder of our love,
creativity, and the power of "we".

You make my heart swell and my eyes well with tears.
My breath becomes short and I am content.

Content to be by your side.
Content to give up the freedom of youth.
Content to be your wife, always.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Here are some photographs taken of us at the Discovery Workshop by some wonderful women photographers who attended the workshop.

Kathleen Steele

Suzanne Pedro


Thank you ladies for such wonderful photographs. Images that capture our love and passion for life and for each other. It's a special gift to have these images. Thank you!

Friday Inspiration - Clouds

Do you ever just watch the clouds? Sit back and watch them roll along the sky? It brings me back to my childhood when my mother would find animals and ships and dragons in the sky.

I recently read a blog post by a dear friend that shared one woman's experience with clouds. It started me thinking and dreaming and of course, cloud watching.

There was no better place to do this than while on our recent trip to Michigan and Tennessee. The sky's were amazing and captured my attention, my thoughts, my creativity. I've been inspired to do a series on clouds. To put a book together of what I see and the thoughts that arise.

Take a moment this weekend and stare up at the sky. If there aren't any clouds, keep looking up and see where your mind wanders. What presses it's way to the forefront of your thoughts. Is it something that you can act upon? Something that you've been thinking about for a while but haven't done anything about it? Maybe now is the time. And if the sky is filled with clouds or at least one or two, what do you see? What are you reminded of, what memories or visions show up. (If you're up for it, I would love to know what happens.)

So, take some time. Time to just sit. Time to just be. Be with the sky and with the clouds and hear what they have to say.

A Featured Welcome Home

It's been a long but wonderful vacation! For those of you that follow this blog, I'm happy to be back and in the saddle again. A little sad to be away from our family, but happy to be home after 12 days away.

I do have to say that it was an exhausting trip in terms of travel. I figured out that Matt, the boys and myself spent a total of approximately 50 hours of flying/driving time together. Between flying back and forth from Michigan and then driving to and from Nashville with all of the pit stops in between. That's intense!

Seeing our family was great and never enough time, the wedding was BEAUTIFUL and I can't wait to post photos and the Lake House, well, it's one of my favorite places on the planet. The boys were amazing and held it together for most of the adventure. Whew! We did stop at Mammoth Caves on the way back from Nashville which was super cool and I'll be posting photo's from the trip, the wedding and the cave tour soon!

After all of that fun and time away, I was a bit apprehensive about coming back to work, seeing the piles of paperwork that I left on my desk (I'll spare the photo and self embarrassment) and the long list of emails in my inbox that need responses. BUT, what I didn't expect that has made my whole day and maybe my week, was the wonderful feature blog post about Forget Me Not Design that was in my inbox for today!!!

If you haven't heard of or visited "Green Wedding Shoes" then you're missing out! It's a comprehensive blog that dishes out the best inspiration for the modern bride. They've even won Best Wedding Blog and the Editor's Pick from Wedding Channel.com! The site is based out of Southern California and there is a long list of blogs, wedding venues, photographers and more, giving you hours of blogging entertainment and inspiration.

Being featured on this site is just what I needed to inspire me to jump right back into work after a 12 day vacation! Thank you so much Jen for the wonderful feature on your blog. I just love designing albums for people, giving the gift of a beautiful book filled with memories. Knowing that the pages will be turned year after year and enjoyed generation after generation. Thanks so much for the opportunity to touch more lives.

Check out the feature here: Wedding Albums by Forget Me Not Design