2011 - The Year Reflected

2011 is coming to a close. Sometimes it feels like an arbitrary thing that we're supposed to do at the end of the year. Stop and reflect upon our last year of life. Think about what we've done, what we want to do and how we want to change for the future. I guess it's a good thing. Kind of like going to sleep every night on a grand scale. There are definitely nights, many in fact, that I go to sleep thankful and hopeful for the next day. For the next day to be better, for me to be kinder, more forgiving, more gentle. On the larger scale, the new year is a time for letting go of the past, creating new goals, new aspirations and new beginnings.

I think that this year, which has been filled with so much, gratitude is where I land. That is what I want to share for my end-of-the-year snapshot. Gratitude.

I am grateful for my breath. For being able to breath deeply at every moment of my day. I am grateful for my sight and my hearing and my voice. I am grateful for the movement of my body. To be able to wrap my arms around my children, to hear them tell me "I love you". I am grateful for the sound of my husbands breath as he sleeps next to me at night. For the warmth of his body and his being with me each day.

I am grateful to have had time spent with my mother before she died. To have her live here with us, so that she was able to share time with the boys. I am grateful to have photographed all of it. To have images as memories for myself and for them.

I am grateful for my sister and for her family. For her being there with my mom when she died. For her being here still, to laugh with and share our life experiences. There is nothing like a sister for those times. I am grateful that we share a similar sense of humor and the memories of our parents.

I am grateful for my extended family. I now have parents and grandparents and many brothers and sisters  and I love them all deeply. Even extended aunts and uncles and cousins. It's pretty amazing and special to have married into such a wonderful group of people. I am truly grateful for that and for each and every one of them. In the face of losing my mother this extended family was there in complete support, in many different ways, all meaningful and deeply appreciated.

I am grateful for my business FMN Design and the lessons that owning that business has taught and continues to teach me. I am grateful for all of the wonderful brides and grooms I have met and designed beautiful books for as well as the photographers that I have worked with over this past year.

I am grateful for the launch of September-Days and the joy that taking photographs has brought to my life. I had the pleasure of photographing over a dozen families in this last three months of the year. Each family was unique and fun and different. And thanks to my amazing husband who is a brilliant location scout, each family was photographed at a different place. Amazing.

I am grateful for my friends, new and old. They keep me real and honest and what I love most is that they love me for me, allowing me to be who I am, which is a gift.

I am grateful for real, whole food. We are what we eat and I appreciate having access to and the ability to provide organic, whole food for myself and my family. We all feel the difference.

I am grateful for this life. Each day.

My ability to learn and grow and change.

My ability to love, deeply.

I will end with some photographs from over this past year. Just a gathering of images that sum everything up. I tried to pull something from each month or at least close to that. I'm not at home and I have what I have and breath while I put this out into the world. Not perfect, not completely buttoned up the way I would like, the way that at one point in my life would have stopped me from hitting "publish". But today, I know that even this, not my best, not my perfect self is something worth sharing. 

I hope everyone has a safe and peaceful New Year's Eve and that this transition brings joy and prosperity.

Mason had a Star Wars party that was outstanding.

Both boys played on the Dixie Soccer team this year and had a blast.

We hosted a soccer coach, Coach Daniel, which was an amazing experience. We miss you Daniel and wish you a Happy New Year!!!!

Matt and I attended the most amazing car show ever hosted by Kelly and Steve Finn and Matt and I had a wonderful vacation in Lassen with our close friends whom we love.

We hosted both Easter and Thanksgiving at our home.

I was able to create something with my hands which I haven't done for a while and was rewarding because it turned out beautiful.

We went to Stinson for an incredible break from the world.




We spent part of the summer in Michigan which was revitalizing.

We went to Kauai which was a bitter sweet trip but beautiful all the same.

 Miles had his first girlfriend.

The boys discovered their primal side.

My mother's life ended.

The Benson's

Back in 2008 I designed an album via FMN Design for a couple whom Matt and Garrett had photographed their wedding. The album, which you can see a few spreads here,  turned out beautiful and was a horizontal layout which I love.

Then in 2009 they asked me to take photos of their daughter Mila. She was absolutely adorable. I have a few images from that shoot on the September-Days website. She was just too cute!

When I sent out the information about the launch of September-Days I included Sara and Matt. They called me not long after to schedule a shoot because Mila was now three! and had a baby sister Flora. I spent my last Saturday morning with them and had the best time. I showed up at 7:15 am so I was there for the morning routine. Waking up, hanging out for a bit in p.j's, eating breakfast. I photographed the girls during this time which was so sweet. I love thinking about them being older, looking back at these images. They'll be able to see and remember their home, their toys, their everyday life.

The photo shoot wasn't about being dressed in the perfect outfit or the girls being on their best behavior. It was about a moment in time, preserved forever through photographs.

I thought it would be fun, before I share my favorites of the morning, to post a "then and now" image. Mila's eyes haven't changed too much over the years. They're still as big and beautiful as they were when she was a baby. I'll post other pictures in the next few days if I don't get swallowed by pre-holiday chaos and cheer!

For now....

Mila then...

Mila now...

Making A Change

I've been considering making a change. To my blog. To the name specifically. I haven't felt like the name "FMN Design" has fit for some time. Mainly because I don't find myself sharing about the albums I'm making or anything that relates to FMN Design very often. I'm not sure why this is but it's true.

I've been wanting to have the name of this blog feel more like me. More like all of me. I want to feel like I can share about anything and everything. I guess I pretty much do that already, but what I want is to share about FMN Design, my photography, food, being gluten free and dairy free. I want to share about my life. My whole life.

Under the title "FMN Design" I've struggled with what to put out into the world. I don't feel like struggling anymore. Isn't funny how a name can do that? It's just a name but somehow, it means so much.

I remember naming our children. We poured through baby name books, we watched the credits of movies intensely looking for interesting names that would "fit" our child. We made lists that we added to and crossed off of daily.

Recently, when looking to name my photography business the lists started again. One in my journal, one on a big poster board taped next to the kitchen. At first I was upset and aggravated that I just didn't know the name. Then I sat back, laughed at myself and realized that it was a fun process. I got to name a business. My business. From that point on it became an enjoyable process and thanks to Matt and the loads of discussions we had about it, September-Days was born.

The interesting thing about the name September-Days is that it feels like me. More than just the photographer in me. It feels like most if not all of me. I was born in the month of September for one. I've always liked the month. It was the month of new beginnings because it's when school started although that isn't true anymore which I'm still trying to get used to. The list of family members who's birthday is in September is pretty long too. My mom, my niece, my father-in-law, two of my sister-in-laws. My father died in September, in between my mothers and my birthdays. It's the month of the Fall Equinox and usually one of the most beautiful times of year here in California. September holds quite a bit for me.

So when thinking of changing the name of this blog, September-Days was tossed out. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want it to appear that I was just sweeping FMN Design under the rug and giving priority to one business over the other but, really, September-Days just feels right. For now. Who knows. Maybe a few months, years down the road I'll change the name again. To something that is me then. I wouldn't put that past me.

I guess I'm just letting anyone know who cares or reads this blog that the name/address will be changing. Maybe with the next post. I'll do a redirect for sure but if you have it bookmarked you'll need to change it soon.

That's all for now. I'll leave you with a photo that I makes me feel like my new name. It's a photo Mason took of me which makes me love it even more. Hope everyone is having a great week!

Brandon and Jared

Brandon and Jared are like my boys. They are brothers, raised by the same parents, Lisa and Greg. They are raised the same, given the same guidance and yet are completely different. I'm still in awe of how that happens. We really are our own person when we come into this world.

We can be guided, led, even molded a bit but I'm convinced that there is a large part of who we are that is predetermined and just part of our being.

These are boys are wonderful and crazy and all things 8 years old. One's blonde and one's a red head and the differences just keep going from there.

The shoot was a ton of fun, especially since the boys kept me on my toes. They were willing to stand and sit and pose for me. When it was time for a family portrait the entire family had me in stitches. I had asked them to stand and hold hands and when they did I think one of them started moving to relax. Like they were shaking out the uncomfortable feeling they had. I saw that and loved it and asked them to just keep wiggling. All four of them started to wiggle and shake. I was dying but captured some really fun shots.

Lisa, Greg, Brandon and Jared thank you for trusting me to take your family photo's. I hope you love them as much as I do! You guys were a blast and I look forward to the next time.

Lisa

She's probably going to kill me.

I'm going to risk it though because I want to share this photo and why I love it so much.

I've known Lisa for a few years now. She's the mother of twin boys that just turned 8 not too long ago. Her boys went to preschool with Mason. We didn't know each other that well while they were in school. She was running around with her boys in two different schools which, now that I think about it is kind of funny because she goes by two different last names sometimes, her maiden and married and I think two seems to be a theme for her. Even having two boys, twins no less. (Lisa, I know you're laughing right now!)

Anyway, we knew each other but didn't really know each other. I remember a while back I was sick. Really not feeling well. My mom was sick, I was dealing with insurance companies and had been on the phone for hours. Literally all day. Lisa came by. She brought me groceries. She brought art activities for my boys to do. It was selfless. It was generous and I didn't know why someone that I didn't know that well would do something so nice for me. It wasn't the last time she's done something like that.

Lisa is someone that you can count on. She is that person that if you're in a total bind and you don't know what you're going to do, she'll help you figure it out. She just will.

When my mom died and I was putting together the memorial service, I wanted to make large 8x8 double printed cards of stories my mom had written on one side and photo's of my mom on the other. I could see these cards in my mind but I didn't have the time to make them. I called Lisa. I knew that if I explained what I wanted, my vision, and she had the time, she would make it happen. I was right. She did. They were amazing.

Over the years we've become good friends. We text each other the longest texts possible. Why we just don't email I don't know but it's fun and that's just what we do. We make each other laugh. We "get" each other as mothers. I think we bond on that "I'm super neurotic and over-protective but I don't care because they're my kids" kind of way.

She's been having her family, her boys, photographed by the same photographer for years. I've been kind of hinting over the last couple of years that I would love to take their pictures, but she's loyal. Super loyal which is one of my favorite qualities about her. But, this year, with the launch of my new business (I think her desire to support her friend won out over the loyalty factor), she asked me to take their annual Christmas photo's. I secretly did the happy dance, no secret now, because I've been wanting to take their picture for so long.

I knew that photographing Lisa would be a little challenging. Challenging because Lisa, like so many of the women I photograph, doesn't like to have her picture taken. I was up for the challenge though and when the moment arrived for our time alone, I could see her get a little stiff and nervous. We talked through it. We took deep breaths and I reminded her that it was just me, her friend, behind the camera.

She brought along a hat for the photo shoot that she found at a farmers market, made by a woman who told her that it takes about a day to make one hat. Lisa couldn't not support this woman who only charges $15 for each one. That's just Lisa. She wants to support people, to help people. It's what makes her happy. All of her friends, and I know this to be true, feel lucky to have Lisa as a friend. She's pretty amazing.

Here she is, in her blue hat and sweater looking beautiful. I just love this photo.

I also have to post the photo I took of her with her two boys. They are her entire life and when she talks about them, you can just feel how much she loves them. It was really great to spend time photographing them.

I have more to post from this shoot so I'll be sure to do that soon. The photo's of the twins are too much fun!

Lisa, your friendship means the world to me.
Thanks for all you do.
For me, for my boys, for my life.

The Feely's 2011

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Ours was sweet and shared with old friends. I was ever so thankful that the viral vertigo I had for a full week decided to go almost completely away by the end of the day on Thursday. Feeling woozy and dizzy is not my cup of tea!

Before the holiday I posted an image from my photo shoot with my friends and neighbors, the Feely's. We took a drive out to the Marin Headlands up to Hawk Hill. I have to say that having a husband as a location scout has major perks. He knows all the places to go!

Hawk Hill, for those of you who have never been, is at the top of the road that is at the last exit before merging onto the Golden Gate Bridge. You take the road up to the left and up and up some more and park at the mouth of a great tunnel that you can walk through, only to find yourself in a small, almost enchanted forest. It's just beautiful. And, as I've been blessed for the last few shoots, the light was perfect.

We were there at the late afternoon / end of the day, and because we're neighbors it felt a bit more like hanging out rather than work. Everyone for the most part was cooperative and from what I could tell, had a great time. Photographing friends allows for a whole other element to come into play. There's the interaction each family member has with each other and then there's my interaction that I get to have with each of them. F.U.N.

This trip Matt came with me. I asked him to take some video footage of the shoot for a project I'm working on that will hopefully come together by early next year. (I'm going to try to be realistic about that goal considering we're butting up against Christmas and New Years. Can you believe it's seriously almost 2012?)

Before I post my favorite images, I have to shout a big loud Happy Birthday to Monica. It's her birthday today and in celebration I wanted to be sure to post images of her beautiful family. Living across the street from each other over the past two and a half years has been such a treat. We've been able to rely on each other for so many things. Picking up the kids from school when one of us is running late, walking to school together in the mornings, grabbing things at the grocery store when needed, being there as support to help however and whenever needed. It's taken a huge weight off of my shoulders to feel like I don't have to do everything on my own. That if I need someone to help me with my kids, Monica and Sean are there. For those of you who have neighbors like the Feely's, you understand what a blessing this is. For those of you who don't, I definitely pray that at some point in your life, you'll have neighbors and friends like these.

Monica, you have no idea how much your friendship has meant and how blessed I feel that your family moved in across the street. Your Irish accents, your laughter, your easy way and 'it's not a bother' attitude are the best.

I'm so happy to have been able to capture your family in these photographs. Your zest for life is contagious.

 

 

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we're hosting this year. It's a pot luck of families bringing different dishes. Matt and I are making the turkey and stuffing (gluten free this year!) brussels sprouts with bacon and some snacks. In preparation I went to the grocery store yesterday, early enough in the am that I thankfully missed the rush and as I knelt down on the floor putting things away, I burst into tears. It took me a minute to figure out why I was crying. Why all of a sudden I found myself face in hands in tears on the floor. It was from the thought of missing my parents. Missing them being a part of our dinner this year. If they were both alive and still living in Saratoga, they would probably be making the drive up here to have Thanksgiving with us. With my family.

They would be enjoying the boys. My dad would hang out and talk with Matt and build some Snap Circuit board with Mason, maybe even kick the ball around in the backyard with Miles. My mom would help cook. She would be loud and complain about who knows what. I would probably even be sighing with frustration from them being here, as people typically do about family on Thanksgiving. Because no one knows how to drive us crazy better than our own family. Have you seen the movie "Home For The Holidays"?

But they would be here.

I would get to enjoy them. Watch them with the boys. Smile and feel whole inside. Maybe this is partly why I've avoided hosting Thanksgiving for so long. Not wanting to fully acknowledge the hole that's there. But it's not too deep because the empty space is filled with so much love. Rebecca will be here and long time friends who are like family. There will be laughter and a kitchen filled with people bumping into each other. Kids running around and food, lots of food to be eaten.

My tears have stopped for now and I am thankful for all of the years that I did have with my parents. It's funny how short the time feels that I had them both here. The last times we were all together as a family feels like such a long and faded memory. That makes me sad, but again, only for a moment. There are still groceries that need to be put away, wonderful boys to be entertained, dinner to be made and laundry to be done. Life goes on.

So, today, as I shed my tears of sadness and longing and joy from the memories of my parents, I give thanks for their contribution to my life. They helped mold me into who I am today. They loved me deeply. I felt it. All the time.

I hope you take a few moments to sit and think about what you're truly grateful for this year and appreciate the people that are sharing your table, sharing your meal. Even if you're rolling your eyes waiting for them to go home. Appreciate the time you're spending together in any way you can.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.