Mom

I'm on the phone. Maya is here. It's my sister. She says a simple phrase and with it everything changes. All at once. "We have to go to Arizona". I know what this means and before I've hung up the phone I have a ticket to board a plane. In two hours.

I'm in the airport. Maya dropped me off and I rushed through the airport. I arrive before boarding has begun.

I'm sitting on the plane. The man next to me buys me my drink because I'm rummaging for my wallet for too long. His name is Sy. He read over my shoulder the words that my mother was sick. Cancer. He doesn't burry his face in his book. He doesn't pretend to sleep. He talks to me. He makes my flight and what's coming bearable. I'm more grateful than he knows. He talks to me and makes me laugh and shares about himself as I share about what's going on with me.

I'm standing at the gate. Waiting for my sister to step off of her flight. She came an hour behind me. We see each other. She introduces me to the man who was sitting next to her. He talked to her and made her flight bearable. God has been orchestrating everything and making sure that we're taken care of as we move forward in this new direction.

We're at the hospital. She's in pain. She's terrified. Her eyes are crazed and filled with tears. She can't believe how quickly we came. Knowing we were on our way kept her from completely breaking down. We stay up most of the night. She can't sleep. Between the pain and the fear of what was happening none of us can. I tell stories of my children, Diana tells stories of hers. My mother tells us things she had been bottling up her whole life. Stories of her childhood. Stories that no child should have to live through. But that is a testament to her will and her strength. She is a force to be reckoned with.

We're sitting in the lobby of the hospital. We're waiting for the results of her MRI. She was on that table for over 4 hours before she had to take a break. This will give us some answers. Answers I'm not sure we want to hear.

We're back in her room. We're talking to the doctor. It's a bit better than he thought. The cancer hasn't yet reached the spinal cord but it has destroyed and eaten away a section of her spine. It is up and down her spine in small pockets. It is in her lymph nodes. It is inoperable. The will start radiation immediately in hopes of killing the cells surrounding the spinal cord to prevent paralysis. They will do a biopsy to see what type of cancer it is.

We're in the basement of the hospital. The room where they'll give her radiation treatments. She's had the points of the beams marking the location of the radiation tattooed to her body. The table is raised. The machine is turned on. I leave the room with the doctors while the treatment is happening. I come back in the room and shout to her that I'm there. She can't move so she can't see me but she can hear me.

I'm sitting at a table in the cafeteria garden with Diana. We look at each other. We are in disbelief yet at the same time not. There have been too many years of being sick. Too many years of discomfort. But it doesn't make the moment any easier. We talk about what we have to do. Who we need to call. We've been here before and it's oddly familiar and uncomfortable. The memories of my father's death come flooding back. The reality of what we're about to face is not pretty.

I'm kissing her goodbye. Telling her I'll be back soon. It's so hard to leave but I have to go home to my family. I'll be coming back to take care of her. To move her to California. She can't stay in Arizona alone. There are many decisions to be made. Baby steps I keep saying. There are still questions that we need answered.

It's Thanksgiving. I'm home. I'm with my boys. Tanya and Garrett are kind and have us to dinner. I want to be in two places at once. It's hard to not be there. Holding her hand. Spending time by her side so she isn't so afraid. I'm tired. I still haven't had time to be with Matt. To talk about what is coming. About the decisions we need to make. I haven't cried. Really cried. Yet.

The prayers from friends and family have been unbelievable. There is so much love around me, around us. I thank God for each and every person in our lives. For the care and the help and the prayers that they've offered. We came home yesterday to a grocery bag filled with Thanksgiving dinner from Maya and Shaun. They have no idea how much that meant.

I am filled with love and hope. I hope that even though the road ahead looks bumpy and ugly, what lies at the end is something beautiful. She knows that God is waiting for her. My father has taken this journey and paved the way. It can't all be for nothing. This life, everything we go through. I saw a glimmer of interest in her eyes when she was talking about death and what may come next. Past her fear she has interest to see what is on the other side of consciousness.

Tomorrow is another day. The day we know what type of cancer this is. I wish I could be there to hold her hand when they read the results of the biopsy. Is it the breast cancer she had 21 years ago that has returned? Is this a new beast that we can or can't fight. I will be with her on the phone. Diana will be there to hold her hand. That gives me comfort.

Simple Elegance

Linda contacted me a few months ago. She had created a wedding album through Blurb and loved her book but was thinking she wanted something more. More than just a coffee table book. Something that would have the presence of a "wedding album" and would stand the test of time.

When she told me she had a book already, I felt challenged by this project in a good way. The bride had designed herself a book, picked her favorite images and placed them on the pages. In creating an album with those same images, I wanted to impress her. I wanted to be sure to give her something that she would love forever.

I have to say that one of the things I love most about working directly with brides is that I have the opportunity to get to know the them and sometimes their groom. We exchange emails about the album, I learn who the guests are and we talk on the phone a few times throughout the process. Through our conversations I learned that Linda was pregnant as well as getting ready to launch her own company. A green line of handbags. I knew I would love them just from the name, Canopy Verde. Her logo is simple and chic and the bags are beautiful. I could immediately relate to Linda because when I was getting ready to launch Forget Me Not Design I was 9 months pregnant. I knew she had her hands full and I wanted to help check something off of her list by building a beautiful album for them to enjoy.One that was just right for her sense of style. I wanted to tell the story of her day with the same simple elegance the logo of her company conveyed.

I knew I wanted the first spread of the book to be a double page spread but because a horizontal image doesn't stretch full frame across a square format, I had a little work cut out for me. I built about 5" on the right side of that first image with the blue, red and yellow background. I think it made a huge difference and I love seeing the pages filled with that color. 

Their reception was held in an aquarium and the photographer took some wonderful shots of the reception details and the aquatic life. I love the tiers of mini cupcakes with the cute flower-like topping and the Hello Kitty cookies are such a great graphic touch. The last spread, which is by far one of my favorite spreads ever, is of the bride and groom sitting together touching noses with a close up shot of a starfish opposite. I just love it, it makes me smile because it's so dreamy.

Linda, I'm so happy to have designed your album. I wish you so much luck with both your new little guy and your business. I can't wait to build an albumof your son's first year!

Gina

Bare feet on the earth, hands outstretched to the sky. That is the image that stays with me.

We drove the windy road to Roys Redwoods early in the morning on Saturday. On the drive we had a pretty intimate conversation about life, children and family. The openness and comfort we had with one another was immediate and carried throughout our time together. After we parked and walked to the trail head it opened up on a beautiful meadow. I couldn't pass it by so we started shooting right away. Gina was amazing and her spirit just shined.

We hiked around, shooting at a few different locations. The meadow, a beautiful outcropping of rocks, along a single track trail in the trees and inside of a burned out hollow of an enormous tree.

Matt gave me a great idea that I loved which was to have Gina spend some time alone at some point. To throw on the long lens and see what happens. Some of my favorite shots are from this time. Thank you Matt for such a great idea!

Gina, thank you for being so open and free. For sharing your beautiful spirt and the new life growing inside your belly. For reminding me that the future is bright and full of hope.

(Gina has kindly allowed me to post some of the naked images. Skip the rest of this post if you don't wish to see.)

p.s. My lovely husband was kind enough to help me edit my html so that my images are now huge! I love it!! When I look at the old images now they seem so tiny. Thanks Matty!! xoxo

Sneak Peak - Gina

When Gina contacted me to take photographs of her I was thrilled. She's pregnant and her due date is 3 weeks away! I won't go into the details and save that for the bigger blog but I thought I would give a sneak peak at a few of the photographs from the morning.

We had so much fun and she was the best model.

Thanks Gina for making my Saturday morning so nice!

Transformation and Adventure

From almost the moment I walked through the doors the tears began to flow. This seems to be the trend lately for me when I go to church. I cry. I cry when the music is being played, while I'm singing and while the Word is being spoken for my ears to hear, my mind to process and my body to soak in.

Today, as I was holding Miles fast asleep in my arms and singing words of love and praise, the tears just wouldn't stop. I thought about why I was crying and what came to mind was what my mother-in-law said to me not too long ago. Rest in the Lord. Give it all up to Him. The stress, the worry, the fear. It's a scary time right now. Things are tight, money seems to be the forefront of most conversations. At home, with friends, with colleagues.

I don't think I knew how to take her words to heart until today. I think I was crying as my release to give it all up to Him. As parents we need to be strong and we need to operate daily as if everything is o.k. But, the stress of the financial climate and the reality of our situation can be overwhelming at times. I found, today, that I can release that to God and my goodness, it felt good. The truth is, everything is o.k. More than o.k. really. My children are healthy, my husband and I are in love, my friends are loving and there for me if I need them, my family is well and in spite of sickness, my father-in-law has a better attitude than most people I know. We are all blessed and alive and there is a deep core of comfort in that knowledge.

As I sat there with the tears streaming and using Mason's sweatshirt as my hanky, sorry Mason I promise to wash it, I thought how can I get up, not wake Miles and go and get a tissue. Right then, no kidding, the woman behind me with her baby in her Bjorn sleeping, had gotten up, went to the back of the church and brought me a hand full of tissues. If you can imagine, that only made me cry more. To see that even in that moment, I was being taken care of.

The message today was about the partnership of transformation and adventure. How once we've experienced a personal transformation in our hearts we shouldn't just sit comfortably in that place. That there is a direction to move, a place to move toward, an adventure to seek. The pastor said today, that with everything going on in the world, there is an adventure ahead of us. Who are we going to be and how are we going to be. It was an interesting perspective shift. To look at this road in front of me as a challenge, as an adventure. Who am I being and who am I going to be no matter what happens. Will our businesses fail or succeed, will we be able to stay in this community or have to move where the cost of living isn't so high. Can we problem solve our way out of this predicament as a family, a community, a country. It's an adventure and even though it's difficult and stressful, I'm glad to be living it.

So, I'll go to church next week, I'll probably cry and hopefully I'll remember to bring some tissues! I'll give up the stress, the worry, the fear again and again and continue on the ride. It's pretty crazy and definitely an adventure and I'm glad to be sharing it with the people I love and who love me.

Casual Elegance

I was contacted a short while back by Sharon, a bride in need of a wedding album. I knew I was going to enjoy her project from the get go. She said that she had stumbled across my website and loved the Premier album and the "Catilin & Chris" design specifically. She liked how with just a few of the best images from the day, the story of the event was told.

These are the kinds of calls I love. Where I not only have the pleasure of designing an album for a couple, but I'm allowed to be part of the editing process as well. When I can pick and choose the photographs that I think are the strongest to tell the story. Sharon definitely had a point of view about her images and I could tell she had some design background under her belt, so once the initial layout was presented, we worked together to fine tune the design.

One thing that she requested and I think is absolutely brilliant is she gave me a wedding photo of her parents and her husbands parents and asked to have them included in her album. I placed them together on the last page of the book with a beautiful photograph of the just married couple. I think it's such a sweet gesture and wonderful way to remember and honor their parents.

The album design was completed a few weeks ago and we were both thrilled with the result. When the actual album arrived I was excited to flip through the pages and couldn't wait for Sharon and Matt to have it in their hands. The book was shipped last week and she sent me the sweetest email thanking me for my services. The truth is, Sharon, I can't thank YOU enough for being such a pleasure to work with.

I just have to take a minute to talk about the Premier album itself. There are so many things I love about it. It's by far my favorite album. The book is hand crafted and truly an elegant work of art. People sometimes ask and are concerned with how the book is when opened. I've included a photograph so you can see that it lays completely flat. This is such a nice feature especially when you have one image running across the middle of the book.

Other elements to this book that set it apart from the rest are the quality of binding, the leather choices and the slipcover. (I include a slipcover with all of my Premier albums. It does nothing but add to the presentation. It helps not only preserve the book for the future but allows you to place it on a bookshelf in a manner that elevates it's appearance. A must have!)

On a side note, I'm in the research/production phase of a new album that I'm hoping to launch in 2009. It's the Premier album taken to another level. I'm so excited about it and am keeping my fingers crossed that everything I'm envisioning can happen.

More to come on that later!

Happy Halloween

I hope everyone had a nice Halloween. It was a bit mellow around here. Mason was under the weather and wasn't able to go to school that day which was a total bummer. I think I was more disappointed than he was. He had been talking about being a shark for Halloween for weeks and here was the day to wear his costume to school and he had to stay home!

When Mason told us he wanted to be a shark I thought I was in real trouble. Having time to make a costume went out the window a few years ago. But, luckily, a friend just happened to have one that she had borrowed from someone else. Whew!! I did take the time to doctor it up a bit. I went for the most bang for your buck. It only had about 6 teeth when we received it so I took a trip to the craft store and bought some stiff felt. I think it was an improvement for the better!

With Miles, you couldn't say the word Halloween without his immediate response of "bunkey". I had bought matching monkey costumes for the boys last year but Miles didn't wear his so out it came this year. He wound up wearing the pants from Mason's suit because the feet of his came up to his knees.

We did take the boys out for just a little trick or treating that night but happily spent most of the time on our porch handing out candy to the few children that came by. We live really close to one of those crazy neighborhoods that have a "Halloween Street". We looked at a house on that street when moving to Marin and boy am I glad we didn't wind up there. I don't know if anyone would have told us before moving in what our obligation would have been! A large majority of the houses on that street do crazy displays on their front lawns and porches. It was a fun place to go for sure. (There's a neighborhood like that in Elmwood near Berkeley that we went to when living in Oakland. That neighborhood takes the cake by a long shot but they did a pretty decent job near us.)

Mason and Miles were a pretty cute pair and thankfully Matt took some great pictures. Thanks honey! One of the things we handed out instead of candy were eyeball masks. We thought we would model them for the boys and get in the Halloween spirit. ;-) Matt asked me not to post the scary ones of he and I but I'm tempted, really tempted. Maybe if they're small it won't be so bad......sorry Matt, I couldn't resist! Halloween is supposed to be scary. Right??!!

So, from the Reoch's.....we hope you had a Happy Halloween!