Maria and Michael

My uncle came to town this past weekend. He came to visit my mom, his sister. The last time they saw each other was about 10 years ago when my sister and I bought her a ticket to Florida, where he lives, as a Christmas present. When she was diagnosed with cancer in November one of the first things she said was that she wanted was to see her brother again.

I hadn't seen Uncle Mike in almost 20 years but when we looked down the long walkway in the airport at the people who were coming off the plane, you couldn't miss him. There he was, unmistakeable, Uncle Mike.

You have to set your mind to the dial of New York Italians so that everything you hear is through that filter. The accent, the gruff raspy sound of the voice, the shoulder shrug that accompanies most of the conversation. It was pure heaven. There's just something about it that makes me smile. I wish I could go back in time and be there for just one of the family dinners that I've heard so much about. First, the food! The FOOD!!! I hear all about how amazing and wonderful the food was that my Nana would cook. Never tasting anything herself, pasta for every meal either as a main dish or a side dish and fighting to have anything you said heard because everyone is talking over everyone!!! I would be so right at home.

Stories were something I was looking forward to with this visit and I wasn't disappointed. I was educated as to where the phrase "Close but no cigar" came from from from my uncle, who was witness to the days of it's birth. He said you could walk down through Coney Island and hear the bell being rung by a not so large man swinging a large mallet. What would he win for such a display of strength? You guessed it, a cigar. Then the much larger man who was walking by would pay his money and take his shot at ringing the bell. Down went the mallet and up went the bell but unfortunately, no ringing was heard as the weight made it about half way up only to fall back down and cause confusion and disappointment to the sucker that gave it a shot. (I use the word sucker in the New York sense again with that gruff voice and shoulder shrug that I mentioned earlier!) And, what do you think the man would yell out at this very moment in time?? "Close! But NO cigar!"

There were more stories and I wish I could share them all. Stories of Tony Bennet who Uncle Mike would hang out with occasionally because he ran in a circle of shared friends. Stories of days gone by and times that no longer exist but are as real as today when you hear them.

We had a wonderful time and I'm so glad that he came. My mother and he took a drive through Sonoma and had lunch in the square. Brother and sister on an adventure for the afternoon. We toured around San Francisco on his last day. Taking in the sighs of the city. We went to the wharf and ate fresh crab sandwiches and headed over to China town for dinner. We ate at the BEST restaurant that I can't wait to have an excuse to go back to. R and G Lounge. AMAZING food. The salt and pepper prawns were the hands down favorite and Uncle Mike said the Won Ton soup, which wasn't on the menu, was the best he had ever had. Watching the surfers near Fort Point was the perfect end to a perfect day.

He left the next day. My mom and the boys and I drove him to the airport. It was a teary farewell for my mom and I wished that the world wasn't as big as it is. That even though we're so close to each other these days with the internet, that physically we could be closer more often. That we could have those big family dinners. That the boys would experience life with a large family and that my mom could see her brother more than once a decade.

Uncle Mike, we love you tons. Mason and Miles are still talking about you. We hope to see you again. And until then, here are the favorite shots from the visit.

It Just Went "Click"

Nope, this isn't a post about taking a photograph and hearing the sound of the shutter release. It's about being at that almost golden age of 40 and finally understanding something...for the first time.

Being raised Catholic and being some form of a Christian all of my life, the idea of the Holy Trinity isn't a foreign subject. It's something that I've been aware of and even talked about for years. In fact, when I had a design business years ago when I lived in Mill Valley, the business name was Trinity Design. Funny to think back on that now but that's the truth. I wasn't even a practicing anything at that time. I can remember wondering why I named it that at one point but didn't question it too deeply enough to change it. The business dissolved before I had to answer.

Now, a chunk of years later, I finally understand who/what the Holy Spirit is. At least I understand in a way that makes sense to me and that I can explain. My understanding stems from two direct lines of communication. One from a book called "The Shack" by Jim Palmer. A client turned friend had recommended it to me not too long ago saying it was the best book she had read and immediately went out and bought three copies to give to people. With a recommendation like that I had to check it out. The book is mainly about one mans experience with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I won't ruin the story for you if you happen to pick it up.

The second way was from church this past Sunday. Jeff Mazzariello, who is the Pastor of Spiritual Formation, had this great way of explaining the Holy Spirit. I'm convinced that because I had been reading "The Shack", I heard the information differently than I might have otherwise. He explained how God had created Jesus to be in our form. To be one of us so that we could experience Him and He could experience us and so that He could give himself to us in a way that wasn't possible before. That through His death, and ONLY through His death, could he touch all of our lives by releasing The Holy Spirit to live inside of each of us. That had Christ not died, he would have to be everywhere, meeting everyone, touching everyone so that we could personally experience Him. His death allowed His Sprit to travel everywhere at once and be within each of us simultaneously.

It's funny, now that I "get it" or hope I do, I wonder why I didn't understand this for so long. What was so difficult about that to understand? But I truly think I just needed to hear it in a different way. One that made sense to me. Now. This past Sunday.

The other thing he talked about that struck a chord was that we were each bestowed gifts from God. Gifts that our bodies allow us to share with the world. He challenged us to think about what our gifts our. To notice those things that we love to do, that we're great at doing, that come naturally to us. To embrace them and to allow the Holy Spirit to work within us and to share them with the world. That by not sharing them, we are stopping ourselves and others from moving forward. He shared that often people don't think that their gift is good enough or special enough. It's just something that they happen to be good at. I find myself right there, thinking that my gifts are mundane or not "special" enough. I find myself wishing that I could contribute something AMAZING to the people around me but what I have to contribute is unique to me. It's my vision and my ability to capture moments and peoples unique spirit on paper. To weave those words or symbols or images together for others to experience.

I love these gifts and I love sharing them and am pushing myself to be larger than I've been being. It can be a bit scary, especially in todays economic state but moving forward feels like the right direction to be moving.

Ireland Arrived

I posted a few weeks ago about the prints we received for the Ireland Album I designed with GB Photographers images. The prints themselves were amazing and HUGE and I couldn't wait to see the book. Well, it came and met every expectation!

I have to say that I absolutely love Leather Craftsmen. It's so easy to work with them and their books are simply elegant and show stopping. I know that when the album comes and my clients hold it in their hands they are going to be holding a piece of art. Not only is the quality of the binding exquisite but the print quality is wonderful and the sheer weight of the books always brings a wide eyed uncontrollable "wow!".

Matt had blogged about the album on the GB blog but I wanted to show it as well and make sure to have some images that allowed you to see the size of this book. AMAZING! is all I can say. When I opened it up and took a look at the panoramic spreads in the album my smile was broad but no where near as big as those prints. When I have the joy of designing a large album I get almost giddy. I think these photo's will show exactly why.

I'll be shipping this off to my clients in Ireland and can't wait to for them to have it in their hands!

Sacred Willow

I recently had the opportunity to delve deeply into the design process and my creative spirit. Christine, one of my oldest and dearest friends was not only pregnant but in the developing and launching phase of a new career. She and I met in college and walked side by side and even head over heels through some crazy adventures. We've always had deep conversations about God and spirituality and since I've known her she's been exploring her mind and her ability to see, see deeper than what exists on our level of consciousness as we know it.

Being a bookkeeper by trade along with a background in project management, she decided a few years ago to move her life and career in a different direction and began to take classes to develop her psychic nature. This was the birth of Sacred Willow and her desire to provide intuitive counseling for people.

She originally hired a designer in hopes that someone who didn't know her could more easily translate her thoughts into a design she loved. They would be open to her ideas vs. imposing their own. What actually happened was the opposite. The designer read her bio and looked at samples of designs she was drawn to and then gave her his interpretation of what he thought she would like. When it was off the mark, she didn't feel that there was an open flow of communication so that her inner vision could be discovered.

This is something that I find common when designing for people. They know what they want somewhere inside of them but can't find the words to express it. I often describe the way I work to be chiseling away at a big block of stone to carve away and expose the jewel inside. It can be a process but it's a process that I enjoy.

Her original thought was to have a willow tree in the center of the card. Something graphic but that showed a flow of energy. Green and white being the color palette to work with. When she came to me with her original design and described what it was that she wanted and what it was that wasn't working we started the process of exploration. At first, I too tried to stay within the structure of a willow tree but then we moved to branches. She found a great photograph of bare branches that we tried but it felt dark and not very inviting. This sparked a thought to shift the "dark" aspect of the branches to something more modern and fresh. Something that felt open and healing.

She wanted her cards to be oversized and to double as appointment cards. Such a great idea! Once the front of the card was landed on, together we created the back. I had the basic layout designed and then she suggested using the leaf as the graphic element to tie it all together. This is the collaborative piece of the puzzle that I love. My client being a part of the design not just the recipient.

Here is the fruit of our labor and the birth of her new business. Christine I wish you all the success in the world! You have a gift and the people who come to you will know this.

Love Is All You Need

I want to share one of the latest projects I was a part of. Paul, Matt's brother is getting married and for their "Save the Date" cards they chose to have magnets made. I absolutely love this idea, I use magnets whenever possible and was thrilled to be asked for help. Both Olivia, Paul's cousin and myself contributed our ideas and graphic skills to the creation of this beautiful magnet.

The background of the magnet is a painting that Olivia had done. The textures are so beautiful and I love the different effects of each section. The artwork that is placed is a photograph of a piece of art Paul and Liz bought as a Christmas present for themselves and has become the inspiration and theme of their wedding. I placed that photograph and tweaked the color of the painting just a bit to match her color theme and voilå, there you have their beautiful magnet.

What's even more fun is that I received an email from New and Blue, the company that made the magnets asking permission to blog our design! Absolutely, of course, yay!!

I'm not sure when the blog will post but I'll be sure to add a link when it does. For now, here's a look at the "Save The Date"!

Afraid of the Dark

The power went out the other night.

Miles wasn't feeling well and had woken up around 1:30 am. I went into the boys room and nuzzled myself in with Miles to get him back to sleep. Not long after I had finally dozed back into dreamland, Mason got out of bed. It was the craziest thing but the instant he stood up the power went out.

He was immediately scared and cried out. Right as his foot hit the floor, the noise machine became silent and the night light cut out. Thankfully, I was right there and was able to make him feel safe right away. I led him in the pitch black to Matt. I knew that Miles was going to be crying soon and I wouldn't be able to sleep with both boys on the floor.

After getting everyone situated and checking downstairs to make sure that my mom was alright, I scooped Miles up and brought him into Mason's bed and attempted to fall asleep. As I lay there, trying to clear my mind I was acutely aware of the silence and of the dark.

Why are we so afraid of the dark? I guess not everyone is but there is something about not being able to see my own hand in front of my face that stirs uneasiness inside of me. I couldn't quite feel settled. I found crazy thoughts running through my brain. I thought of why the power went out and of course all of the paranoid reasons that maybe it did. I think I've seen too many horror movies in my day.

I thought about blind people who are in the dark all the time. Are they afraid? The ones who became blind later in life? I thought about how we just adapt as humans to our environment. How we're adapting right now to what's happening in our lives. I realized that part of what I feel every day is the result of blindness. Blindness in respect to where the money is going to come from to allow us to continue living here, in the Bay Area. Blindness to what is happening with my mother and what the future holds for her and for us. Blindness to the picture I want to hold in front of me to walk towards.

Our church has developed this great breakdown of ways of being that the sermons have been about each week. They are all based on how to go Toward. How we can move Toward a life with Christ, a life with God. The last weeks were about "Going". What it looks like to have a "go" moment. It can be even a little step like the one I had taking to our friend Gloria about coming to church with us one Sunday. Or it can be big like the people that go across the globe to spread the Word. But, I started to think about how I got here, what brought me toward this place im our lives right now. How I held an image of Matt and I sitting in a beautiful backyard, high fiving (yes, I hate to admit that I may be half of a high fiving couple but I think I am) each other and watching the boys run around. I held this image in my scope of vision not knowing how or when or where it was going to show up but, it did. Here we sit, in a home with a beautiful back yard and the vision is a reality.

Now, I feel like I'm in the dark. Like I was the other night. My visions of the future are cloudy. Blurry I guess as another photographer friend Carrie said about a week ago. I can't quite make out what is ahead. Where we will be, what we will be doing. I think the biggest reason I'm struggling with this inevitable change is that I was happy. I was happy at how life was and where we were heading. Now it feels like someone picked us up and shook everything up and now we're trying to put the pieces back together to form a new puzzle.

There is a feeling of collective unease everywhere I go. It almost helps because I know that we are not alone in this, but the journey feels incredibly individual. The answer that is right for one family isn't what is right for another, so we're all out there making adjustments and plans and who knows where we'll all end up. I do however have hope and when I sit and think about it, I'm not scared about the future even though I can't see a thing.

I'm thankful that our faith in God has grown over this last year. I feel calm knowing that He is there and that we will be taken care of and that I don't have to have all of the answers. I am in the dark, but just like my hand was there for Mason, His hand is there for me. I have felt guided since we left Oakland and I just keep praying for clear signs and a clear path to be placed in front of us so we know where to go.

The Way of the Future

Mason: "Mommy, is chocolate milk made from peanut butter?"

Me: "No honey. Why?"

Mason: "If chocolate milk is made from peanut butter then I can't have it at my school for lunch because someone would be allergic to it."